All Mine...

For the first time, 3 years and 5 months, my body officially belongs to me! very.strange.feeling.


I got pregnant with Addison in January 2007 and breastfed her for almost one year. I got pregnant with Amy during the first cycle after Addison's 1st Birthday. I thought that I was done breastfeeding Amy a few weeks ago. I tricked myself. But, now, I'm officially done.


So, this means that I've been pregnant or breastfeeding for over THREE years. Thinking about this makes me feel extremely proud and extremely exhausted at the same time. We are not planning on trying to get pregnant again for over one year. But, it's like I don't know how to act. I guess that I'm used to feeling like..............


:::::Since I'm not totally clear on the laws of posting pictures.... how about this::::::


{{insert image here of certain "famous" mother who is ALWAYS pregnant AND nursing AND doing one hundred other things at the same time...}}


But maybe I should start to learn how to feel like this...

Just kidding. But I certainly don't feel guilty about the coffee that I drink...and I no longer fret so much if I didn't eat enough calories or drink enough water in one day.

Don't look at me...

...or I'll get pregnant. Obviously, that's an exaggeration. At this point, though, I really have no idea if I am even able to get pregnant again yet. Breastfeeding can be used as birthcontrol, but ONLY if it is exclusive...and Amy now has been getting an occassional bottle as well as oatmeal cereal, squash, and avacado. (She just started foods...)The tricky part here is that my first postpartum ovulation could be before my first postpartum period, but I would have no way of knowing....common reason for Irish Twins??

I do not want to be pregnant again yet for a variety of reasons, so I need to do something about it! After all of my worrying about breastfeeding exclusively, I've decided to slow it down. I'm not completely stopping because a) I'm not even sure how to stop at this point and b) I don't want to. at all. I can, however, handle slowing down.

While I enjoy not having had a period since Addy turned ONE, I'd really love to be able to plan around it. I'm a big fan of Natural Family Planning, but a cycle is kind-of a key part in that. So, my theory is that if I develop some sort of 50/50 feeding arrangement, AF might return.

We shall see.

Breastfeeding Guilt!

I breastfed and formula fed Addison for the whole first year of her life. I thought breastfeeding was SO much easier than formula, and I really hated every second of giving her formula. Not because I thought it wasn't good for her, but because I was angry with myself for not having a large enough supply to meet her needs. She had to eat - so I gave as much as I could, then filled in the rest with formula. I was a HUGE head-case with the whole situation. None of my family knew a blessed thing about breastfeeding,and to be honest, I think they wanted me to stop. I put so much pressure on myself to be able to provide for her. I didn't need any motivation or will-power to make it through the whole first year. My thought was - of course I am going to make it to one year.

When I got pregnant again, I vowed to myself that I would do EVERYTHING in my power to exclusively breastfeed...for a few reasons. I knew my supply would be better, and I knew I wouldn't be going back to work before she turned one. I would have all the time and convenience in the world to breastfeed. Why would I not do it? Especially with all of this flu business, it's so important to give the baby the immunities that breast milk provides.

So why do I sometimes want to stop??!?!!? Who knew that I would think it is actually harder to breastfeed a second baby. Perhaps other mothers of two don't feel this way, but I'm a little bit crazy! Here is a great example of why this is hard: I begin feeding the baby, and Addy needs to do pee-pee one second later. Since she is just turning two, she still needs help with her pants and wiping, but I can't tell her to wait a second. This potty situation takes priority over everything, unless I want it on my carpet. (Which is enough for it's very own post!..the ups and downs of being trained at such a young age....) So a "normal" person would say, "okay, so stop. What is the difference? What's the big deal?!?" I, however, am not normal. I stress out, worry, feel guilty, cry, and panic over everything. It wouldn't be fair if I only breastfed Amy for a few months but Addy for a year. What about flu season??

I am convinced that I will talk myself out of stopping by writing about stopping!