I breastfed and formula fed Addison for the whole first year of her life. I thought breastfeeding was SO much easier than formula, and I really hated every second of giving her formula. Not because I thought it wasn't good for her, but because I was angry with myself for not having a large enough supply to meet her needs. She had to eat - so I gave as much as I could, then filled in the rest with formula. I was a HUGE head-case with the whole situation. None of my family knew a blessed thing about breastfeeding,and to be honest, I think they wanted me to stop. I put so much pressure on myself to be able to provide for her. I didn't need any motivation or will-power to make it through the whole first year. My thought was - of course I am going to make it to one year.
When I got pregnant again, I vowed to myself that I would do EVERYTHING in my power to exclusively breastfeed...for a few reasons. I knew my supply would be better, and I knew I wouldn't be going back to work before she turned one. I would have all the time and convenience in the world to breastfeed. Why would I not do it? Especially with all of this flu business, it's so important to give the baby the immunities that breast milk provides.
So why do I sometimes want to stop??!?!!? Who knew that I would think it is actually harder to breastfeed a second baby. Perhaps other mothers of two don't feel this way, but I'm a little bit crazy! Here is a great example of why this is hard: I begin feeding the baby, and Addy needs to do pee-pee one second later. Since she is just turning two, she still needs help with her pants and wiping, but I can't tell her to wait a second. This potty situation takes priority over everything, unless I want it on my carpet. (Which is enough for it's very own post!..the ups and downs of being trained at such a young age....) So a "normal" person would say, "okay, so stop. What is the difference? What's the big deal?!?" I, however, am not normal. I stress out, worry, feel guilty, cry, and panic over everything. It wouldn't be fair if I only breastfed Amy for a few months but Addy for a year. What about flu season??
I am convinced that I will talk myself out of stopping by writing about stopping!
Together we can celebrate the craziness of a life full of children, chores, working, working out, eating, eating healthy, and most importantly, ENCOURAGING EACH OTHER TO BE THE BEST VERSIONS OF OURSELVES because we and all of the people we love deserve it!
You're not crazy. I think all of my friends with children have worried about the same thing. There's a lot of guilt associated with Mommy-hood!
ReplyDeleteI'm no expert, and you probably already know this, but the good thing is that you're already done with the colostrum part, which is the most important kind of milk for immune function. So if you decided to stop or cut down, you could still sleep at night, knowing you already gave her the most important part.
You said in a previous post how different your life is with baby Amy, than it was with just Addison. Your family structure is different now, and I think you now have to look at the whole family picture in making decisions like this. What does everyone (including YOUR self and YOUR sanity) the most good? If that's continuing to breast feed, that's good. If it's supplementing breast feeding or stopping all together, that's good too!
Boob-time doesn't have to be fair and equal. You still love them both, and they know that.
Now that I've written a novel, I'll be stepping off my soap-box. ;) Feel free to disregard any of that. I have few qualifications in this department AND I have a fever. ;)